Queen's Birthday long weekend is always a hard one for me, because it marks yet another year since my original knee injury; that simple, clumsy fall that set me on the road to full blown Complex Regional Pain Syndrome of a degree that few in the medical profession have ever encountered.
In the thirteen years since my original injury, I've seen myself travel from a happy, fit, healthy 14 year old - to a young woman crippled by pain at the age of just 27. Walking this road with CRPS as a travelling partner has seen me lose a lot from my life: my health, my ability to walk, eat normally, sleep. It's taken many of my friends, many of the activities I used to enjoy, even my career - almost before it had a chance to begin. At one time it even threatened to take my life.
But then I look at what CRPS has give me. I didn't have normal teenage years, but in their place I think - or at least hope - I learned a wisdom, a compassion and empathy that doesn't come without having a severe chronic illness or experiencing severe pain day in, day out for months or years at a time. Along this journey, I have met some of the most beautiful people and made wonderful friends. It hurts me to see your suffering - to know that you too hurt like this - but without this beast of a disease we would not have met and I would never have known the gentle support and unconditional friendship that keeps me going through the darkest hours.
I know now that I don't have to hide the pain away and pretend that everything is fine when it isn't. It's brought me closer to my parents and they've taught me that it's okay sometimes to say "I hurt".
There is no mistaking that I am scared. Despite everything my doctors try, I am still in an enormous amount of pain on a daily basis - sometimes so severe that I black out. I have a lot of other issues currently occurring - daily fevers, severe spasms/dystonia that is becoming progressively worse, migraines - all possibly CRPS related, but need to be investigated further.
In the thirteen years since my original injury, I've seen myself travel from a happy, fit, healthy 14 year old - to a young woman crippled by pain at the age of just 27. Walking this road with CRPS as a travelling partner has seen me lose a lot from my life: my health, my ability to walk, eat normally, sleep. It's taken many of my friends, many of the activities I used to enjoy, even my career - almost before it had a chance to begin. At one time it even threatened to take my life.
But then I look at what CRPS has give me. I didn't have normal teenage years, but in their place I think - or at least hope - I learned a wisdom, a compassion and empathy that doesn't come without having a severe chronic illness or experiencing severe pain day in, day out for months or years at a time. Along this journey, I have met some of the most beautiful people and made wonderful friends. It hurts me to see your suffering - to know that you too hurt like this - but without this beast of a disease we would not have met and I would never have known the gentle support and unconditional friendship that keeps me going through the darkest hours.
I know now that I don't have to hide the pain away and pretend that everything is fine when it isn't. It's brought me closer to my parents and they've taught me that it's okay sometimes to say "I hurt".
There is no mistaking that I am scared. Despite everything my doctors try, I am still in an enormous amount of pain on a daily basis - sometimes so severe that I black out. I have a lot of other issues currently occurring - daily fevers, severe spasms/dystonia that is becoming progressively worse, migraines - all possibly CRPS related, but need to be investigated further.